I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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