I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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