Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
