Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
