Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
