He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
