I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
