I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
