I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize