drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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