YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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