I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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