i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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