I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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