bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
honey bunches of taint.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
