omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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