youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
