I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
