Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
