i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
