Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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