I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
