he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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