I think I died a long time ago.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
