Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Your penis caused this!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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