i don't like sucking hair
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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