i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
