In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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