Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
