the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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