i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize