She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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