ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
