My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
