I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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