this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
