I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
