Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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