and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
