You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
