So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
