that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
