There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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