I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
