I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
