i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize