I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
