Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
