i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize