I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
