Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
