Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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