I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
