"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
