This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
