you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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