What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
