these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize