ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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