So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
