We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
