you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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