No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
