Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
