I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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