I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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