I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
