And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize