plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
