I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
