Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
