Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize