so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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