we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize