I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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