i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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