yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
