Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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