shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
