FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize