i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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