It's like God shit irony all over that family
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am available for nakedness
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
