Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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