Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
