who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize