Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i've created a new STD.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
