You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
