I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
