1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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