I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
