true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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