I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
