And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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