I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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