literally had 100 drinks last night.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
