you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
