I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
