I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
